Seven Tips For Long Distance Love

Brian and I started dating toward the end of my second year and his first year of grad school. We dated for a semester before our relationship added long distance as a preface. While I do not wish to do it again, we learned so much about each other and truly grew closer with conversation during this time. I honestly feel as if we know things about each other we might not have shared in such great detail had we not been long distance and could forego personal, hard conversations with Netflix.

While I do not consider myself an expert in all things long distance love, I do think Brian and I discovered things to help us stay sane until we were in the same location.

1. Never Leave Without Having the Next Trip Planned

Brian and I never left a visit without having the next visit planned. Meaning flights booked, time off requested, etc. were confirmed. This made it easier to say goodbye because we could start the countdown until the next time we would see each other. So before you get on the plane or start the long drive home make sure your calendars are marked, your countdown app is updated, and you’ve secured the necessary reservations for the next time you see each other in person.

2. Over-Communicate

Starting the day knowing each other’s general schedule can help eliminate some of the frustration from not being able to get a hold of someone. Brian and I would talk the night before about what the next day looked like for both of us and when would be good times for us to talk. This can be extremely helpful when you live in two different time zones when one person might be getting ready for bed as the other person is just getting home from their day. I’m a type A person who loves lists and schedules, so knowing when I’d get to talk with Brian helped set my expectations for the day. Knowing in advance he only had 20 minutes to spare when I had a completely free evening kept me from feeling disappointed when he couldn’t talk for hours.

3. Use Questionnaires to Keep the Conversations Interesting

At a certain point, listening to your significant other’s day-to-day can get quite boring (sorry, B!). We tried to find ways to make our conversations more meaningful by using questionnaires to guide the conversations. Questions and topics ranged from silly ones like “Tell me about your childhood stuffed animal” to more serious ones like “What is one thing you wish your parents had done differently in raising you (and your siblings)?” By doing this, we ended up discussing (and politely disagreeing) about topics we might not have talked about if we were face to face and could go do something instead of just talking. My mom has always said, "It’s important to find someone you enjoy talking with because eventually talking might be all you have."

4. Introduce Them to the People You Talk About Most

When your significant other comes to visit always find ways to introduce them to your coworkers, your friends, and other people you may talk about frequently, so they can feel more a part of your life. Putting faces with names and personalities with stories helped me feel as if Brian and I had a shared friend group even if we were 1,000 miles apart.

5. Plan “Half Way” Trips

When we were living 9 hours apart, we would pick weekends to meet halfway instead of one of us making the entire trip. For us, halfway was this tiny town in east Texas. It didn’t have much to offer, but we did get lucky one weekend and stumble upon a wine festival which led us to a winery for dinner and on the way home we stopped at a community college rodeo. It was random and unplanned, but that is what makes us love the trip so much. We used the site Meet Ways to find the best middle point.

6. Create Mini Bucket Lists for Trips

Before we would visit each other, Brian and I would make mini bucket lists to accomplish during the visit. This would include restaurants we wanted to try, touristy stops, random acts of kindness, etc. We tried our best to accomplish as much as possible. Mini bucket lists gave us something fun to focus on instead of the impending sadness that came when the end of the trip loomed near.

7. Send Snail Mail

We both traveled a lot for our jobs while we were dating long distance. Whenever we were on the road, we would pick up a postcard from our destination and write a short note and drop it in the mail to the other person. This always made for sweet surprises throughout our time apart.

Our Wedding Day in Fort Worth, Texas June 2017 stephrenea

We were some of the lucky ones who were able to drop the words long distance from our relationship. We survived 25 months of dating long distance and were married one year after both moving to the same location.

I hope these tips help relieve the frustration and sadness that can come from a long distance relationship. Tell me, what are your tricks to make a long distance relationship a bit easier?

xo,

Lindsae